Alphonso

She loved them,
Mangoes
Had one last night,
And smiled,
Didn’t taste like before,
Without her first bite
Did she make them sweet?
I know she did.
Its that time now,
The same season,
Without you ‘alphonso’

Arbit Conversation....

The sounds. I hear them. Lets talk.
sip on our thoughts, its cold.
our converstions,
Relaxed.
about, my hunt,
My pray, i tell you.
you it is! :)
and then,
I tore the heart out!

Maverick ... that i am!

I knocked on his door. Like a gracious host he walked me right to his living room. The room was dark ‘I guess’ I couldn’t see much. A candle dipped in saucy chocolate simmered the darkness with a perfect orange glow. Was that the light? I don’t know.

“The knowledge of oblivion can be intimidating and addictive. The lust for loneliness. The thrust for sensual encounters with the psychotic self. To a point that drives the energies insane. The choice to choose, yet choose to be the messenger of the tempter.”

To his alluring and enigmatic glow I got attracted. The feeling of being emotionally dead. When one is really not, creates a delusion of being real. Within those realities you rule as the king, ‘the strong and mighty’.

No matter how ‘human’ the king is, there are always instances when the dictator within him takes over. To loose once self right at that moment creates an imbalance to the souls around.

I created an imbalance. I am very much aware of it. The imbalance of the ‘self soul’ and the souls around. I would blame myself for making certain choices but I am not doing that yet. Just to be fare to myself this time and giving inn a timeout for myself.

Let’s just visit the dark room again. The seat I was sitting on was pretty comfortable. It was buffed leather I suppose. A nice feeling against my skin. He offered me a large mug of black coffee. Perfect, as the way I like it. Strong! Hot! Black! And almost no sugar. It was a bribe in a way to let me know that I was in. I took it. In search of the light I might have walked into the dark gloomy room. But I know I have a light within which will always hold me up. I still was looking for it outside. Why does it always happen? The search for me never ends, like an aimless wonderer I just wondered without a destination.

Sometimes a voice or a hand is all you need to pull one out of the dark room. I am lucky I have some souls around me who love me for who I am. The guilt within is I that don’t love them back. Why? I don’t know. The element of ‘hatred’ has somewhere carved its home within me. I didn’t realize it yet. Not until two nights ago.

SATAN has driven my life for sometime now. “The glossy tempter with his torch”. His company for me has been good or bad? I don’t know. ‘My friends’ tell me that it’s been not. So let me for their love, concern and for myself walk towards the light again and stop chasing my shadow.

few lines from gulzar sahib’s poetry says…

Rosahni… roshani….!!
Ghar jala liya hai!!!
Ghar jala liya hai…
Patjhad ne awaaz di…
Ghar jala liya hai.

The deepest shade of red

The deepest shade of red,
I’m ready to take it to bed,
For all those moments that I have bled,
That deepest shade of red.

Sleep to fly and fly to sleep,
Those moments I swam within deep,
Strangle the self to make me weep,
Ever so long I still feel like a creep,
May be I was scared and fled,
I still want that deepest shade of red.

A song, a rhythm, a desire,
Give me the strength to light the fire,
They make me sore, of which I want more,
Sometime I shall swim myself to the shore,
I can see all my fights in my head,
When I see that deepest shade of red,

Enough’s been done and said,
My lord! Put me to bed,
Would you embrace me when I am dead?
Because I know I will be forever,
That deepest shade of red.