I knocked on his door. Like a gracious host he walked me right to his living room. The room was dark ‘I guess’ I couldn’t see much. A candle dipped in saucy chocolate simmered the darkness with a perfect orange glow. Was that the light? I don’t know.
“The knowledge of oblivion can be intimidating and addictive. The lust for loneliness. The thrust for sensual encounters with the psychotic self. To a point that drives the energies insane. The choice to choose, yet choose to be the messenger of the tempter.”
To his alluring and enigmatic glow I got attracted. The feeling of being emotionally dead. When one is really not, creates a delusion of being real. Within those realities you rule as the king, ‘the strong and mighty’.
No matter how ‘human’ the king is, there are always instances when the dictator within him takes over. To loose once self right at that moment creates an imbalance to the souls around.
I created an imbalance. I am very much aware of it. The imbalance of the ‘self soul’ and the souls around. I would blame myself for making certain choices but I am not doing that yet. Just to be fare to myself this time and giving inn a timeout for myself.
Let’s just visit the dark room again. The seat I was sitting on was pretty comfortable. It was buffed leather I suppose. A nice feeling against my skin. He offered me a large mug of black coffee. Perfect, as the way I like it. Strong! Hot! Black! And almost no sugar. It was a bribe in a way to let me know that I was in. I took it. In search of the light I might have walked into the dark gloomy room. But I know I have a light within which will always hold me up. I still was looking for it outside. Why does it always happen? The search for me never ends, like an aimless wonderer I just wondered without a destination.
Sometimes a voice or a hand is all you need to pull one out of the dark room. I am lucky I have some souls around me who love me for who I am. The guilt within is I that don’t love them back. Why? I don’t know. The element of ‘hatred’ has somewhere carved its home within me. I didn’t realize it yet. Not until two nights ago.
SATAN has driven my life for sometime now. “The glossy tempter with his torch”. His company for me has been good or bad? I don’t know. ‘My friends’ tell me that it’s been not. So let me for their love, concern and for myself walk towards the light again and stop chasing my shadow.
few lines from gulzar sahib’s poetry says…
Rosahni… roshani….!!
Ghar jala liya hai!!!
Ghar jala liya hai…
Patjhad ne awaaz di…
Ghar jala liya hai.
5 comments:
wonderfully written but that aside, I could have written something like this not as eloquently of course but with similar theme or perhaps I've already written things like these..
Its just a way of saying - that relate to it completely :)
@aria
common!!!! i m no where in ur league.
Inspiration comes from within and from what you intake. Inspiration is ongoing for a writer, a poet and an artist. Keep writing :)
"No matter how ‘human’ the king is, there are always instances when the dictator within him takes over."
AND
"I am lucky I have some souls around me who love me for who I am. The guilt within is I that don’t love them back."
I think these two lines were the most impressive of the whole impressive write up :)
I must say.. i took 2 readings to understand it ... and you already know.. had it been some one else,... i would have moved on without giving a second attempt. but it was you fucker, it was you ... how could I move on. and I am glad i didn't :)
Hail, you wanderer. I wish I could get a ray of that torch to fall on myself !!
@tosha
thanks alot for your kind words
@deepesh
you know what...
loved you comment... i shaal give you one pappi.... muaaaaaaaaah! :D
Post a Comment