Alphonso

She loved them,
Mangoes
Had one last night,
And smiled,
Didn’t taste like before,
Without her first bite
Did she make them sweet?
I know she did.
Its that time now,
The same season,
Without you ‘alphonso’

Arbit Conversation....

The sounds. I hear them. Lets talk.
sip on our thoughts, its cold.
our converstions,
Relaxed.
about, my hunt,
My pray, i tell you.
you it is! :)
and then,
I tore the heart out!

Maverick ... that i am!

I knocked on his door. Like a gracious host he walked me right to his living room. The room was dark ‘I guess’ I couldn’t see much. A candle dipped in saucy chocolate simmered the darkness with a perfect orange glow. Was that the light? I don’t know.

“The knowledge of oblivion can be intimidating and addictive. The lust for loneliness. The thrust for sensual encounters with the psychotic self. To a point that drives the energies insane. The choice to choose, yet choose to be the messenger of the tempter.”

To his alluring and enigmatic glow I got attracted. The feeling of being emotionally dead. When one is really not, creates a delusion of being real. Within those realities you rule as the king, ‘the strong and mighty’.

No matter how ‘human’ the king is, there are always instances when the dictator within him takes over. To loose once self right at that moment creates an imbalance to the souls around.

I created an imbalance. I am very much aware of it. The imbalance of the ‘self soul’ and the souls around. I would blame myself for making certain choices but I am not doing that yet. Just to be fare to myself this time and giving inn a timeout for myself.

Let’s just visit the dark room again. The seat I was sitting on was pretty comfortable. It was buffed leather I suppose. A nice feeling against my skin. He offered me a large mug of black coffee. Perfect, as the way I like it. Strong! Hot! Black! And almost no sugar. It was a bribe in a way to let me know that I was in. I took it. In search of the light I might have walked into the dark gloomy room. But I know I have a light within which will always hold me up. I still was looking for it outside. Why does it always happen? The search for me never ends, like an aimless wonderer I just wondered without a destination.

Sometimes a voice or a hand is all you need to pull one out of the dark room. I am lucky I have some souls around me who love me for who I am. The guilt within is I that don’t love them back. Why? I don’t know. The element of ‘hatred’ has somewhere carved its home within me. I didn’t realize it yet. Not until two nights ago.

SATAN has driven my life for sometime now. “The glossy tempter with his torch”. His company for me has been good or bad? I don’t know. ‘My friends’ tell me that it’s been not. So let me for their love, concern and for myself walk towards the light again and stop chasing my shadow.

few lines from gulzar sahib’s poetry says…

Rosahni… roshani….!!
Ghar jala liya hai!!!
Ghar jala liya hai…
Patjhad ne awaaz di…
Ghar jala liya hai.

The deepest shade of red

The deepest shade of red,
I’m ready to take it to bed,
For all those moments that I have bled,
That deepest shade of red.

Sleep to fly and fly to sleep,
Those moments I swam within deep,
Strangle the self to make me weep,
Ever so long I still feel like a creep,
May be I was scared and fled,
I still want that deepest shade of red.

A song, a rhythm, a desire,
Give me the strength to light the fire,
They make me sore, of which I want more,
Sometime I shall swim myself to the shore,
I can see all my fights in my head,
When I see that deepest shade of red,

Enough’s been done and said,
My lord! Put me to bed,
Would you embrace me when I am dead?
Because I know I will be forever,
That deepest shade of red.

I wrote...

I wrote…
I wrote…
and I wrote some more…..

I wrote my feelings,
wrote my dreams,
wrote my senses,
wrote all my screams,
I kept on writing forever it seems.

I wrote my body,
wrote my skin,
wrote my desires,
wrote all my sins,
I kept on writing the song I sing.

I wrote my questions,
wrote my doubts,
wrote my worries,
wrote all my bouts,
I kept on writing my gut out.

and then,
I wrote…
I wrote….
and I wrote some more.

..........

i wrote some more
to feel the roar
out of the pen's core

i still wrote more
hoping my heart will question no more
couldn't help that cause but my fingers sore

I then realized
the more I seek for more
will trouble me the more

so i left it for a cause
pain is best eased when I pause
but my love for pain grew to shore
that I again wrote some more !!

my work was incomplete... I intended it to be.... may be because after a point i was unable to connect the dots together. Then came along this marvelous and humble guy, who i shud mention doesn't kno "how to write poetry". Such a 'Cliché' for a guy with his talents and potential. He simply connected my random thoughts with perfect sense. Depesh, I don't have words to thank you so i will not even attempt. This is my tribute to you. Its an Honor to have your words on my insignificant rambeling space.

kabhi kabhi.... yoon sufi sa mein!

Kabhi kabhi yeah kyon lagta hai?
Ki mein sufi ho jaoon.
Dhoondhoon kaheen par khudaa ko apney,
Ramtaa sa basanti jogi ho jaoon.
Yeah parbat mere, waadi sab meri,
Inmein kaheen mein kho jaoon.
Behtaa rahoon saath uss rooh ke,
Aawaara sa baadal ho jaoon.
Bandhan rokein, dantein aur tokein,
Kaisey inko samjhaoon?
Zaat nahee koi bandhegi mujhpar,
Chaoon bas khud dhaaga ho jaoon.
Rahey na mera mujhmein kuchbhi,
Mein khaali ho jaoon.
Rachtaa, rakhtaa har zarrey mein basta,
Kuch dhokey sa ho jaoon.
Dhoya hai khud ko khudee par kab se,
Chaoon bas aab halkaa ho jaoon.
Kabhi kabhi bas yoon lagta hai,
Ki mein sufi ho jaoon.

Ek Banjaaran

Naram saundee se kuch hawaoo mein,
Barish ki boondon ko amber se utartey dekha,
Usi barish mein sadak kinarey bastee,
Ek banjaran ko ujadtey, kuch ukhadtey dekha.

Uskey haathon se janmee murat ke rangon ko,
Baarsih ke pheekey panee ko rangeen sa kartey dekha,
Aanchal ki silvaton mein liptey uskey bacchey ka chehra,
Kuch aansuon se kuch paani ki boondon se bheegtey dekha,

Dekha usko aapna pallu hatatey,
Baarish se bhidtee us akeli rani jaansee ko dekha,
Dekha meiney uska ghar bikhartey aur phir simattey,
Uskey cherey ko hotey patthar sa meinn dekha,

Plastic ke lifaphey mein usko kuch lapettey dekha,
Uski mamta ko har chin meiney badtey sa dekha,
Baarish se hotee uskee ladaii ko meiny dekha,
Khud ko hotey bebas laachaar sa meiney dekha,

Aansoo nahee they uske aankhon mein kaheen bhi,
Uski khudaaree ko meiny chattan sa sakth dekha,
Sar jhukaa uss maa, uss jananee ke aagey,
Uski parchaaee mein kaheen bastey sacchey khuda ko dekha.

A complete 'Zero'

Past few days I have been stuck up with the number zero. Have been thinking about the importance of this number. Placed right between the positive and negative numerals it symbolises neutrality all by itself, both ends lying on either side. Its like the number knows the art of balancing and yet shifting to create meanings for the positive’s or negatives. Symbolised by a circle, ‘zero’ signifies Balance, stability and symmetry, a beginning of a never ending journey around a locus. ‘Zero’ is complete in it self. Put a negative sign or a positive sign in front. The end result zero again. The more the number of zero’s behind a number the more becomes the value of that number itself. Imagine a life without zeros. Can you?

Yet we entitle a person who’s failed with being a ‘ZERO’. WHY?

To, wish!

An evening split into pieces,
An hour at a time to belong,
Belonging to one then to the other,
A deep void inside for belonging to the self.

Carrying yet dragging,
To the shores of uncertain future,
A gift for my imaginary humanity,
My blood, my flesh, my soul.

My perpetual dreams,
Amalgamating with my desires,
A brilliant ray of gold across the skyline,
Like a brushstroke made in haste.

To the wishes I burry today,
And for all those I have buried already,
I shall awake to your wishes too some day,
Oh! My wish, tell me what you wish for.

jeena udhaar

Katee chatee si koi aahat,
Udhaar mili thodee raahat,
Hooton pe padee muskuraahat,
Ek admaree si chaahat.

Naram garam se kuch alfaaz,
Pehney akalmandee ka libbas,
Kamptee si ungaliyon mein,
Kuch shaayraana andaaz.

Taraashey huye kaagazon pey,
Tapaktey se kinhee kono sey,
Zindagee sa kuch kartey bayaan,
Hotey sey yeah kuch meharbaan.

Baandhey zindage potalee si,
Kuch ehsaason ki oodhanee si,
Kuch gaanthein lee utaar,
Jeeney ka bhi chukaa deingey udhaar.